Setbacks

The first time you understand something someone says to you in a foreign language you experience an amazing feeling of elation.

At least I did.  The first time I successfully managed some small talk with my friend Artem, I felt like jumping for joy! Someone crack open the champagne!  It didn't matter that the conversation lasted only for 3 minutes. I'd listened, understood, and responded in Russian.

Finally, my brain had unlocked some magical door that allowed me to understand sounds that, until recently, were only foreign noises to me.  It was one of the best feelings I've ever experienced.  It meant all my hard work was paying off, no matter how slow my progress felt!  It was a step in the right direction.

This kind of feeling is one, I've discovered, you must keep a tight grip on.  You have to remember how good it feels, because you'll need to remind yourself of it.  For every moment of joy you experience from understanding and communicating with someone in a foreign language, you'll feel defeat and humiliation 100 times over.  It would be very easy to let this discourage you, to decide that it really is just too hard.  You must remember how good the successes feel.  It doesn't matter if it was only a few words or a full conversation.

Today I experienced a setback.  I froze, forgot all the words I've learned in Russian (at least it felt that way) and stared blankly at a group of people I'd hoped to befriend.  I quickly muttered the only word my terrified brain could remember "Пока" and that was that.

I agonized over it for a while afterwards, imagining that they must think I'm a silly American for trying to learn their language, and knowing for a fact that no one would ever want to speak to me again.  I wanted to dwell on it all day.  To sit around thinking "I'm so stupid, I'll never learn Russian.  It is too hard, what was I thinking?"   But like I've said before, learning a language requires determination, and that I have a lot of!

It took me a little while to shake off my embarrassment and to realize that everyone who learns a language has experiences like these.  They'll forget how terrified I acted.  And I'll speak to them again - next time it will be better.

In the meantime, I'll study and practice.  It's all I can do, it's all any of us can do.  With determination and the support of my friends, I'll see this through.